I don't think I consider myself an emotional wreck, but my emotions were in for a roller coaster ride this week. One moment I was at peace, and I was traumatised the next. Having entered some sort of depressed state on Wednesday (odd for a book-out day), I am thankful for God's faithfulness. He lifted me up when I wallowed in the depths of helplessness.
Not only did God reach to me through a time of fellowship with Wang Wei, but He also helped me to reflect on my past, to challenge the roots of recently surfaced problems that I thought were solved after accepting Christ. In the midst of this new exploration in my walk with God, I feel awed by His omnipotence.
It's like in Proverbs 3:5-6, which says,
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight.
All of a sudden, these two verses seem so real to me. I've known these two verses for a long time, and it sure took me long enough to finally realise their meaning.
I'm sorry, Father. I'm so, so sorry, for not trusting in You. Instead, I chose to place my trust in other people, in other things, and all I got was heartbreak. It hurt, but thank You for drawing me back to You.
Ben Wee also reminded me that we are First and Foremost Christians, not a sergeant, not a platoon sergeant, not an NSF. Caught up in all the rules and regulations and regimentation of the army, I've lost myself. It is a timely reminder of 1 John 3:16, which says,
16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.
And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
This evening Forerunners 3 (F3) began a new study called The Fruit of the Spirit and we studied the first fruit: Love. In 1 John 4:7-16, the Bible says,
7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.
Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
9 This is how God showed His love among us:
He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him.
10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.
13 We know that we live in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.
14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent His Son to be the Savior of the world.
15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God.
16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
I've been struggling with this for about the past month: the issue of incorporating Christian values into my role as a commander. But God has made it very clear. Verse 11 says, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
How, then, should I love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-17 lists:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Let me live in You, God, and You in me. For You are love, and so, I love.
As Sunday approaches, let me not attend church service for the sake of attending. It may be a routine, but let me be there to genuinely praise and worship You with the rest of Your Church!
Grant me a true heart of worship. Help me come back to the true heart of worship!
When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
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